When Depression Feels Like Drowning

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Sometimes, as someone who is extremely sensitive to pain and suffering, I find an image that I can’t let go of, no matter what I do. This is one of those images.

I came across this image while doing some research for the redesigning of the title page for “and the lilies fall still”.  This is simply a woman who is just below the surface of water, with the bright sky and clouds swirling above her. I can only imagine the events leading up to and following the capture of this image, and I assume that this varies from person to person. The way I relate to and interpret this image is that this woman has fallen into a blue abyss. She doesn’t struggle or fight to break the surface. She simply accepts her place. She can see the sky through the clear blue water, the brightness, the possibilities, and the life she could have. But she doesn’t reach for it. She accepts her existence in the blue abyss, and waits for the day when she can finally breathe again.

For me, this image is Depression. This is how it felt for me. It was as if I could see the possibility of living a happy life, and all I had to do was break the surface of that water. But I didn’t. I don’t want to say that I couldn’t, because I don’t think that I tried. And people judged me, and blamed me for not trying. It wasn’t that I couldn’t break the surface; it was that I couldn’t try.

It took all of my strength, in fact it took more strength than I thought I had, just to get up every day, go to school, go to work, and crawl back in to bed. It was a living hell. They were right, I wasn't trying. But they didn't understand that I couldn't. I wanted to, I really did. I just couldn't.

Now, to end on a positive note, that was several years ago. Thanks to modern medicine and a select few people in my life, I now have the strength to try. And that’s all that I needed.


What does Depression feel like for you? Share and comment below.


Much love,

Rain

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Why I Share My Depression Story

Often people ask me why I share my experiences with Depression. There is still so much stigma around mental illness that people are shocked when I willingly and freely discuss my own experiences with it. They assume that I am ashamed of it, and that I should hide it away from the world. I disagree.

When I was going through the darker times in my life, I felt alone. On top of dealing with the actual Depression, I lived with the belief that there was something wrong with me, and that everyone else was “normal”. It was a crushing, lonely feeling. Now I know that Depression is extremely common, and that there are many others out there like me. My hope is to reach even one person who finds comfort in knowing that they aren’t alone.

Even with all of the facts, the media ads, and the movements to end the stigma of mental illness, people still ostracize and shun those of us living with mental illness. I still can’t figure out why. Is it because they don’t understand mental illness? Is it because they have never experienced it? Is it because they’re afraid they will catch it like a virus?

I came across a picture the other day that really hit home with me. What if we treated people with physical illness in the same way that we treated people with mental illness? 

Take a look:

Photo via Imgur

How ridiculous is this? The sad thing is, it’s true. Mental illness needs to be taken more seriously. We can’t keep living in a world that ignores mental illness. The first, and most important step, is to educate yourself. Chances are, if you haven’t experienced mental illness, then you know nothing about it. There are tons of resources online that will give you an idea about what mental illness is, what causes it, and what it looks like. The next step is to just keep an open mind.

Sometimes, someone living with mental illness is no different from you than someone who has a different skin colour, or speaks a different language. Would you treat them the same way that you treat someone with mental illness? Likely not.

I share my Depression story in order to educate others, to give hope to those like me, and to give a voice to those who haven't yet found their own.

Much love,
Rain

If you enjoyed this post, please share!

You can also connect with me on
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